UFO sightings on campus have hit a new low! A report from the UCD statistics office has confirmed that the number of sightings on the Belfield campus during the 2020 Autumn trimester are at their lowest since 1967.

The report indicates that just 72 UFO sightings were reported over the extended 14 week period which commenced in September. Dr William Duchovny of the school of economics spoke to The Turbine to explain the statistics behind this report.

“We can establish through non-parametric testing that these numbers mark a clear reduction in sightings beyond the influence of chance. We can conclude that the presence of aliens has actually reduced on campus, possibly due to the rising prices of orgonian space fuel, or perhaps due to an intergalactic conflict which has occupied the attention of potential visitors”.

UFO Sightings

The report noted that although sightings were down, there are no statistically significant differences between reports of alien abductions between this semester and any other in the last five years, although it is believed that more local residents have been abducted on campus in the place of students.

The reduction in sightings has cooccurred with the move towards remote, off-campus learning for the vast majority of classes on all courses. Following this, some conspiracy theorists have made the claim that the reduction in sightings may have only been down 30% last trimester if UCD had committed to their original proposal to reduce campus activity as such. Twitter is now banning all users which make such allegations.

Congo Jack – wants to believe