Gone Viral: CoronaVirus Shocked at Newfound Popularity
After his recent explosion in popularity, The Turbine spoke to the newfound chinese superstar, CoronaVirus. In recent weeks, Mr. Corona has been spreading like an epidemic and gained recognition from the World Health Organisation. “It’s been deadly bro,” Corona began,…
Leprechaun Sues Pride Movement for Stealing Rainbow
Imagine being a poor leprechaun struggling to deal with the difficulty of trying to hide your gold in a country experiencing a massive population boom, but then the symbol you use for marking your treasure gets stolen by a political…
NEW YEARS: World Confuses Resolutions with Revolutions and Everything Goes Wrong
As crowds of people across the world watched the clock .count down another year, thoughts soon strayed from the awkward few seconds after everyone starts kissing, to the year that lay ahead. In the drunken haze of dodgy clubs and…
UCD Bird Community Gets a Sexy New Arrival
This week on UCD Birdwatch, we’re covering some breaking news on the return of the infamous UCD Water Rail, a welcome return to our campus’s stunning bird community (birds of flight, definitely not ladies). There were many beautiful birds in…
Ents Begin Last March in Protest Against Australian Wildfires
In a dramatic response to the Australian wildfires that have plagued the New South Wales region since the start of the Southern Hemisphere summer, Treebeard has assembled the Ents of Australia for what could very well be their last march. …
‘A+’ Student Hospitalised Over “No Study” Claim
An Garda Síochana have announced that the three UCD students arrested with conjunction to a grave assault of another student have been released and will face no charges for their participation in the incident. The students who were facing charges…
Christmas Now Officially Begins November 1st
As drunk and exhausted Halloween partiers returned home, Supermarket workers across the country were called into work to hang up Christmas decorations. This was in reaction to a recent announcement from Pope Francis that “Halloween now literally starts the second…
UCD Announces Plans to Leave EU
Last Friday, University College Dublin announced its plans to leave the European Union. After a four-hour long meeting with UCD executive committee, our glorious leader Andy Cheeks emerged with a plan. Cheeks stated in a press conference: “Too long have…
Facebook User Awarded Nobel Prize for Applying Frame to Profile Picture
UCD student Molly Casey joined an esteemed group of human rights campaigners and politicians on Thursday after being awarded the Nobel peace prize. The 22 year old received the award for the courageous way she put an ‘I stand with…
Extinction Rebellion Protest New Carbon-Emitting Trend Called “Breathing”
Inspired by a recent study which has revealed that a recent trend being called “breathing” may be leading to increased carbon emissions, a 400-strong group of students and activists marched on Leinster House demanding the government ban the popular trend….
BREAKING: College Tribune Investigated for Use of Slave Labour
News rocked UCD as An Garda Síochána announced in a recent press conference that there is an ongoing investigation into the student newspaper for allegedly using slave labour. The Turbine spoke to one of the alleged slave labourers upon their…
Dublin Seagulls Voted Europe’s Friendliest
This week, the International Board of Feathered and Winged Egg-Laying Vertebrate Mammals (widely known as FWELVM) published the results of their much anticipated study on the world’s friendliest birds. The prestigious study is conducted annually by a combination of Harvard,…