Sports Minister Shane Ross Accidentally Pledges Increased Sports Funding to ‘Rowing Hero’ Gary Hutch
In the latest name foul-up for the Minister for Sport, Shane Ross issued a press release this morning pledging to increase the funding currently available for Irish Rowers, as well as vowing to increase individual player supports for several elite…
Duffy to Install Live Dragon at Áras an Uachtaráin if Elected President
In one of the more surprising announcements to come out of the Ploughing Championships in Offaly last week, presidential hopeful Gavin Duffy raised the bar for his fellow candidates by promising to install a live Dragon into the Áras if…
Michael D. Higgins Expenses Revealed!
The Turbine has single-handedly managed to get a hold of a leaked report on the current president’s expenses that was prepared for a private viewing of the Public Accounts Committee. The details, as I’m sure you will agree, will shock…
New Housemate Thinks You’ll Love His Society
When Seán arrived in the Fresher’s Tent at the start of the week, he was immediately accosted by his new housemate, Barry, who seemed terribly excited about his society. ‘Hi, Seán, it’s great to see you, mad how we’d bump…
Is Your Toddler Scared of the Dark? They’re Probably Racist
Have you ever wondered why your toddler is afraid of the dark? The usual reason people think their toddler gets scared at night is because of monsters under the bed, or nightmares, or being afraid of tripping over something on…
Catholic Church to Trial Avocado Communion in Bid to Appeal to Millennials
In a press conference in the Vatican yesterday, Cardinal José Fernando announced several new measures that would be trialed by the Catholic Church in order to appeal more to Millennials. “Millennials think differently from the generations before them” remarked Cardinal…
A Culchie’s Review of Dublin Comic Con Anime Edition
Now in its 6th year, Dublin Comic Con has established itself as one of the most anticipated events in the Irish calendar. Last weekend saw the first ever Anime Edition of the convention, with more of a focus on all…
The Plight of the Jockey
A recently published report by the Society for the Good Treatment of Jockeys showed that 127 Jockeys are shot on average every year. The report was conducted as 180 Jockeys were shot last year alone, so that prompted the society’s…
3 Lesser Known Parts Of The Bible
Jesus as a Teenager. This part of the Bible is rarely mentioned because it contains some controversial topics like tattoos and awkward, self-chosen nicknames. It mainly focuses on Jesus at 17 and how he starts referring to himself as ‘The…
70% Of Global Warming Due To Paul
A major breakthrough for climate change researchers occurred last week as scientists discovered that 70% of the effects of global warming are due to one man and his reckless lifestyle. The discovery came about accidentally as a group of scientists,…
US Politician Insists Gay Marriage ‘Hurts the Sanctity of Affairs’
This week, an American politician has made headlines for his spirited defence of the sanctity of affairs, following the landmark Supreme Court decision that legalised gay marriage across the country. Mark Byrne, who represents Alabama in the US Senate and…
Study finds Socialism Can Only Benefit The 99%
Checkmate Liberals! A new study conducted by Fox News and Margaret Thatcher’s ghost has found that when a socialist economic system is established in any country in the world, the only ones who benefit are the bottom 99%. This ground-breaking…