College Tribune

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70% Of Global Warming Due To Paul

A major breakthrough for climate change researchers occurred last week as scientists discovered that 70% of the effects of global warming are due to one man and his reckless lifestyle. The discovery came about accidentally as a group of scientists,…

US Politician Insists Gay Marriage ‘Hurts the Sanctity of Affairs’

This week, an American politician has made headlines for his spirited defence of the sanctity of affairs, following the landmark Supreme Court decision that legalised gay marriage across the country. Mark Byrne, who represents Alabama in the US Senate and…

Study finds Socialism Can Only Benefit The 99%

Checkmate Liberals! A new study conducted by Fox News and Margaret Thatcher’s ghost has found that when a socialist economic system is established in any country in the world, the only ones who benefit are the bottom 99%. This ground-breaking…

Pope to Canonise Every Dog

Speaking in St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City last week, Pope Francis announced that he intends to canonise every dog on earth as a way of thanking them for existing and for ‘…being such good boys and girls’. His Holiness…

How To Speak to An American

You’re in college so chances are you’ve happened across one of our American cousins. Until now, you’ve only ever seen an American in movies like “Police Academy 2” and “When Harry Met Sally”. Unless of course you’re from D4, in…

Sinn Fein’s Gerry Kelly Caught Using Invisible Car to Avoid Garda Checkpoint

Gerry Kelly MLP is facing more hot water this week as footage emerged online showing the Member of the Northern Irish Parliament using an invisible car in order to avoid being breathalysed by Gardaí at a checkpoint in Monaghan over…

Drug Festival Announces It Will Have Music This Year

The annual ‘Craic in the Park’ Drug Festival, which takes place in St. Stephen’s Green from July 11th till whenever all of the supplies run out, has announced it will now have musical acts playing in the background. The group…

Five Secret Tips for being the Ultimate University Tutor

Be cool. You want them to like you. This is your opportunity to be the teacher you always wished you had. If you follow these 5 steps, you’re well on your way to Coolsville. Population – you. Give yourself a…

Student Risked Starvation for Fear of Small Talk in Kitchen

In a recent interview, UCD student John Hughes shared his harrowing experience of how he almost starved to death in his Digs. The brave 19-year-old, who is enjoying his first year of engineering, is currently renting a room in a…

Trump Resigns After Z-List Celebrity Roasts Him On Twitter

After a horrible year in office, during which time he enacted many awful policies that caused so much hurt and suffering for good people, Donald Trump was forced to resign as President of the United States. It was not the…

Varadkar Recommends Buying Cryptocurrency to Raise Deposit for House

In the Dáil recently, An Taoiseach, Leo Varadkar, suggested that people should turn to cryptocurrency markets in order to raise the money for the deposit required for a mortgage. Under current Central Bank rules, prospective homeowners must raise 20% of…

Aquaman Dies After Ingesting Plastic

It is with great sadness that I must recount the death of the dearly beloved superhero, Aquaman, AKA Arthur Curry, who passed away yesterday in a tragic accident. He was swimming with friends off the coast of California, when Superman…