College Tribune

Independent UCD News

Turbine

5 things You Can Say About Trump That You Can Also Say About The Bee Movie

Tired of having to think of different ways to describe current President of the United States and the 2007 Dreamworks animated comedy? Now you don’t have to be. Here are 5 phrases you can work into any conversation about current…

Is It Time to Legalise Aloe Vera?

Over recent years there has been varied debates about whether we should legalise Aloe Vera, or just keep it illegal. Maybe just recreational and medicinal, or just medicinal. I believe we must have an open and honest debate about this…

The Return of Society-Related Violence to UCD?

With the college term starting back, there are fresh fears among the student body of UCD that society affiliated violence will break out again this semester, just like it did at the end of last year. The inter-society violence began…

Sun Recovering After Looking Directly at Trump

The Sun has told the Turbine of the injury she received after looking directly into the eyes of the President of the United States during the solar eclipse a few weeks ago. She said “I was wearing those protective glasses…

Agnostic Extremists on The Fence About Terror Campaign

A controversial report from An Garda Síochána, which was released to the public last week, outlined Gardaí fears of potential Agnostic extremism boiling over into terror attacks in Ireland. In recent years the Irish Agnostic community have become more and…

Peeing on Jellyfish Stings “a Joke Too Far” Say Doctors

The World Doctors Association have admitted in a recent statement to the press that jellyfish stings are not cured by urinating on them, as they once claimed. Dr Owen Lee and Dr Joe King told press gathered outside their medical…

Getting Ripped in Time for the Exams

As May draws closer, many students across the college have been looking for quick ways to get shredded in time for the exams. ‘The RDS is unforgiving,’ said one student. ‘You can hide all you want during the semester, but…

Macabre SU Petting Zoo Fails to Reduce Anxiety

With the exams fast approaching, the UCD Students’ Union has organised a petting zoo on campus with the aim of reducing nerves across the student body. ‘The petting zoos of previous years always had great turnouts,’ said one organiser. ‘But…

Shag Carpets Introduced across UCD

Students returned to UCD earlier this week to discover the floor in each campus building had been laid with new shag carpets. The carpet style, which hurdled out of date somewhere around 1995, is expected to surely come back into…

Lecturer Awkwardly spends Entire YouTube Video Trying to get the Sound to Work

Third year commerce students came out of a lecture this past Monday in which a lecturer had been thoroughly confused by technology. Half way through the class the professor said he wanted to show students a YouTube video. However, things…

Student on Laptop Unaware Lecture Ended

It has been reported that over twenty minutes after a geography module ended on Wednesday, second year Aaron Kelly was still sitting in the lecture hall mindlessly browsing the internet. Throughout the fifty minute lecture, Kelly is reported to have…

Mature Student Submits Essay on Floppy Disk

Mature student Joe Callaghan, first year English, arrived late to his tutorial last week proudly, having successfully written up his essay on a computer, and attempted to submit it on a floppy disk.  Callaghan, who is in his late sixties,…