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Fine Gael launch new plan for economic recovery at Ard Fheis

The Fine Gael party, seek lead by Taoiseach Enda Kenny, medicine have launched a brave new plan for Irelands economic recovery. The plan, launched at this weeks Ard Fheis, consists of a large scale import of Protestants into Ireland.

It was pointed out by Mr Kenny in his address to the party, that within the European Union, countries that have been traditionally Catholic in ethos are the worst affected by the economic downturn.

The examples of Ireland, Italy and Portugal were given. Greece being an Orthodox country is also included on this list. He went on to point out that the traditionally protestant countries, such as Germany, are in a far better economic position. Sociologists in UCD have put this fact down to the fabled “Protestant work ethic” promulgated by the German sociologist Max Weber.

The Fine Gael led government now plans the large-scale import of Protestants onto the island. These new settlers will be given land and houses confiscated from the native Irish population by NAMA and the banks.

The government intends to increase the number of house repossessions in the months leading up to the implementation of the plan, which has come to be known as the 2012 Plantation of Ireland Act. As well as houses and land, the new Protestant settlers will also be given control of various businesses that have been taken over by governmental and EU bodies in recent years.

It is the firm belief of the government, that these new settlers will lead Ireland out of economic gloom and back to the glory days of the Ascendency and Celtic Tiger.

A government spokesperson stated that ‘these settlers will get Ireland working again. These people are not tainted by the lazy, superstitious attitude that has prevailed among the idle and ineffective native Catholic population. They will bring a strong God-fearing Protestant work ethic with them, an attitude that Ireland has never needed to much in all her history’.

It is initially proposed that the native Irish who have their lands, businesses and houses confiscated will be repopulated in Connaught, though one member of the government has said ‘they can go to hell!’, either option seems as dismal.

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