College Tribune

Independent UCD News

Turbine

For a better Ireland

Senator David Norris is edging closer to the Áras, despite fears that his bid to get on the ballot paper would be defenestrated. While former IRA member Martin McGuiness faces down criticism from Justice Minister Alan Shatter who believes it would be inappropriate for him to head the Irish Armed Forces.

 

In the face of such turmoil, the Turbine believes that it is our political duty to weigh in on the upcoming election; lending our support to the candidate we feel can best meet Irelands needs at this turbulent time. This candidate is, of course, the illustrious and ever God-fearing Dana Rosemary Scallon.

 

Dana first represented Ireland on the international stage, becoming a national hero, when she won the 1970 Eurovision with “all kinds of everything”. The glittering lights of stardom, did not however seduce our Dana. She selflessly entered politics aiming to better the lives of the Irish people up and down the land, and was, after an unsuccessful presidential bid in 1997, elected to the European Parliament in 1999.

 

Dana will now make a second bid for the presidency, standing for traditional Catholic values, something our country needs to see us through this time of deprivation, as in the 1930s. She is strongly anti-abortion and pro-rosary.

 

A vote for Dana is a vote for tradition. The same tradition that brought us such innovations as the Magdalene laundries and industrial schools, beloved institutions of Ireland, which kept our streets free of unmarried mothers and illegitimate children and made shopping in Penny’s a more pleasant experience. A vote for Dana is a vote for the good old days, the days of moving statues and vibrant Eucharistic congresses, though this time our leader certainly won’t be excommunicated.  We, the Turbine, appeal to our readers to dream with us of this Ireland and give Dana Rosemary Scallon your support in October. Remember Jesus will be voting for Dana on October 27th.

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