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Turbine

Ginger separatists organise in UCD

It has recently come to the attention of the Turbine that a small group of revolutionaries have taken up residence in the bowels of UCD. The group, pharmacy who title themselves as the “Ginger Separatist Movement” or GSM, have been recruiting among the students of UCD for some time now.

Their aim is to create a vanguard party of ginger revolutionaries who can act to bring down the state and end the long history of apartheid that has marred our society for centuries.

Along with these revolutionary activities it is believed that the GSM has been pushing forward prominent individuals who possess the ginger gene. This is with a view to increase their numbers by tactically breeding with non-ginger individuals and thus bolstering their population. The purpose of this is believed to be the creation of an elite fighting force for the coming revolution.

When contacted, the University admitted that they have been aware of this growing probl

em for some time now and that steps have been taken to counteract the activities of the GSM.

This plan may or may not include the expulsion of all gingers from campus, a move seen by some on the governing authority of the University as potentially controversial.

Interestingly, Youth Defence has weighed in on the argument. Their top theologians and solicitors have confirmed that the lack of a soul could allow for the termination of gingers under Canon Law. They are believed to be in the process of changing their slogan “love them both” to include the words, “but never love a ginger.”

It is not yet known who the ringleaders of the movement are, though it is rumoured to include a number of individuals involved in student politics and media as well as prominent members of many of UCD’s societies.

Anybody with information regarding these dangerous individuals is asked to contact the Turbine. Confidentiality will be guaranteed.

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