A set of teachers were contacted on Friday with an appointment for their vaccinations, and were vaccinated on Tuesday.

By all accounts, the process was relatively painless. How could this be allowed to happen? The Taoiseach has issued an apology, stating: “The decision by certain bad actors in the HSE to conduct such brazen vaccinating is regrettable. We can promise it probably won’t happen again”

Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has expressed concern and dismay with the efficient, streamlined manner in which the vaccinations were carried out: ‘I just don’t understand how this could have been organized and implemented so quickly. It’s a statistical anomaly. It shouldn’t be able to happen, Jesus, we do everything we can to stop it happening!’

Donnelly collapsed to his knees at the end of the questions, lamenting “the protocols”: “Is nothing sacred?! There are proper ways of conducting this business, arbitrary bureaucracy that must be maintained. This efficient use of time and resources sets a dangerous precedent”.

The vaccine rollout is underway, but they can’t just rollout in any direction, they have to rollout down the proper channels, into the proper arms. Not teacher arms, no. The Taoiseach ended his statement, concluding that: ‘It’s not enough to just get needles in arms as quickly as possible. We have to be safe. Which is why we discard every vaccination programme after a single use’.

The Badger – Kafkaesque Policy Correspondent