Simon Harris, Fine Gael TD from Wicklow and current Minister for Further and Higher Education, Research, Innovation and Science, has announced he will be taking night classes in Journalism with the goal of actually graduating from Higher Education “at some point in the next three years or so”.

Mr Harris, who previously studied Journalism and French at the Dublin Institute of Technology before dropping out, made the announcement while dressed in a Varsity Letterman jacket. He also added “go wildcats!”, the meaning of which remains unknown to The Turbine.

Simon Harris has held significant political influence in Ireland, previously serving as Minister for Health despite having no college degree at all, let alone a degree in health science. During his time in this position, the country experienced the trolley crisis, the narrowly-avoided nursing strike, the CervicalCheck scandal and a botched response to COVID-19.

The move to study Journalism by Simon Harris has been welcomed by his party. This isn’t the first time a Fine Gael politician has showed interest in journalism; read up on the Strategic Communications Unit scandal if you haven’t already.

It is believed that this decision may lead to “the odd night of carnage with the boys” at least once but no more than three times a week, according to projections from leading political analysts. It is believed that the minister may “make lots of new friends” and “even join a few societies”. We, at The Turbine believe he may look back on these years as the best of his life.

Congo Jack – Cum Laude

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