College Tribune

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Turbine

Student Spends Record Breaking 3 Weeks Staring at Blank Page

When Barry O’Donnell sat down in mid-March to write his latest assignment, few could have imagined that he would make absolutely no progress in the next 3 weeks. In a feat of near unimaginable procrastination, O’Donnell managed to watch all 8 seasons of Game of Thrones before even starting to feel guilty about his total lack of progress.

At the start of each ‘study’ session, the Turbine can report that O’Loughlin promised himself that “this time would be better; it is a new day, new me…right?” As days became weeks however it became obvious that ‘this time’ was not better. The UCD student has revealed exclusively to the Turbine that it took him eight days to build up the courage to open a Word Document.

The Turbine spoke to Barry’s mother, Jennifer O’Donnell, who informed our field reporter “sure he did that essay weeks ago, that’s old news…right?” Mrs. O’Donnell then marched swiftly upstairs and banged on his bedroom door. Shouting was reported to continue until Barry was seen to be “knuckling down” once again.

As the deadline slowly approached, many students would have eventually resorted to writing a few pages filled with drivel and paragraphs stolen from Wikipedia but not Barry O’Donnell. In a move described as “brave” and “inspiring” by fellow students, O’Donnell completely ignored the passive aggressive emails from lecturers and the 14 Post-it pad reminders attached to his laptop. Instead, O’Donnell is alleged to have read 7 articles about how to stop procrastinating while colouring in the front of a hardback.

Sources close to the story suggest that O’Donnell may still be in his room, doing nothing yet complaining about how he is “snowed under by the work” on Instagram. A recent analysis of social media usage showed a 200% rise in scrolling aimlessly through user’s feeds leading up to and during exam season. This may suggest that brave behaviour similar to O’Donnell’s may be going unnoticed in bedrooms across Ireland.

 

 

Dugh Hooley

 

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