College Tribune

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Students’ Union Achieves Nothing for “Record Breaking” 8th Year in a Row

UCD Students’ Union has surpassed all expectations and has achieved absolutely nothing this year. The news comes after SU Officers announced all the many things they haven’t achieved this year during their latest meeting.

Last week’s Council Meeting began with the core team listing off all the ideas and projects they’ve successfully not done. These included: no homework on Fridays, free tickets into DTWO every day, and increasing student engagement.

UCD Students’ Union has surpassed its former record and has now gone eight full years since last actually doing something.

Some members called upon the Union Officers to “get up off their asses and do something,” with one enthusiastic first year suggesting they protested at every possible opportunity. But this idea was ruled out in favour of “just doing nothing instead.”

A proposition has been put forward for next week’s meeting by some really smart first years. The initiative proposed is called the “Protest Everything Movement” and is expected to pass unanimously, but with no actual subsequent action from the Union.

The Tribune asked the Union about their plans for the forthcoming year, in which they stated: “We have decided to be against everything. We might protest a little bit. But we’re probably gonna do nothing again.”

It has emerged that over 95% of the SU budget has been spent on Pizza, while the remaining 5% has gone towards the purchase of Keep Cups for trendy Arts students. Fortunately, the University Observer has seen none of this year’s budget.

We asked UCD students what they thought of this remarkable achievement by the Union. One student responded by asking: “What do they do again?”

 

 

El Presidente

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