College Tribune

Independent UCD News

Turbine

SU condemnation of UCD student

The Turbine can now confirm that UCD SU have issued a posthumous condemnation of a former Medicine student, Kevin Barry, for what has been deemed violent protest.

On the morning of September 20th 1920, Barry was involved in an ambush of a British army truck on Bolton Street that led to the deaths of three men. When the SU became aware of the incident they were said to have been appalled at the violence in this violent act of violence that was nothing but sheer violence.

A written condemnation of the UCD student was swiftly issued with the alleged approval of Exec, though questions have arisen as to whether or not they actually voted on it before hand.

A motion to overturn the condemnation of the violent act of rebellion, sedition and protest against the powers that be was quickly quashed at council. Noted members of the KBC voiced vociferous opposition to the notion that the condemnation would be lifted. Some went so far as to demand he be sent to the gallows a second time to really pay for his actions.

In a further strange twist to the story, we have also learned that leading bureaucrats within

the university intend to bring the remains of the teenager before a disciplinary hearing. They are concerned that his actions have brought the University into disrepute and may even damage the international standing of the institution.

One spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Turbine, “we simply can’t allow this action to go unpunished. If we did anarchy might ensue. It starts off with a gunshot and where does it end? Next thing you know students and staff will be engaging in all manner of protest and unruly behaviour.”

It is understood that UCD has enlisted the support of their new allies in Beijing to quash any further student insurrection and ensure every member of the University toes the official party line. The Turbine would thus like to announce that everybody in UCD is very happy with the current management of the University. That Chairman Brady has a 100% approval rate and that staff and students are all content and don’t want any changes to the management of our beautiful and excellent educational institution. Hail the glorious bureaucracy, long may it reign over us!

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