Sun Recovering After Looking Directly at Trump

The Sun has told the Turbine of the injury she received after looking directly into the eyes of the President of the United States during the solar eclipse a few weeks ago.

She said “I was wearing those protective glasses for a while, but then for some reason I wanted to see what that glowing orange orb would look like without the glasses.” The Sun then felt a “serious pain” in her eyes as Mr Trump’s eyes pierced her retinas leaving her almost completely blind. She now suffers from cataracts so bad that she needs help from neighbours who live nearby in order to do the most menial of things such as rotate.

One of those neighbours, Mercury, lamented how bright and energetic she used to be, claiming “you would see her sitting outside her house in a deck chair, watching everyone going around and she was always so polite to everyone. Saying hello and offering heat to whoever needed it. Now all she does is lie down on the old bench in her garden and cry. It’s tragic.”

President Trump has yet to apologise for the incident. In a recent interview Trump said “I was watching the solar eclipse, with the billions and billions of my supporters, and I was wearing those glasses too, and they were the best glasses believe me, nobody has better glasses than I do. I take them off for 2 seconds and then this orb looks into my eyes. What was I supposed to do?”

If we have learned anything from this unfortunate incident it’s that no matter who you are, you should never look directly into Donald Trump’s eyes without protective glasses, even if you are a massive ball of fire at the centre of the solar system.


Seán Farbuckt – Turbine Writer

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