College Tribune

Independent UCD News

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The Finest Homeless in Europe

Daniel O’Connell once referred to the Irish as the finest peasantry in Europe. Now our peasantry is depleted and we are left with next to nothing to be proud of. The country of proud beggars, standing in shameless servility to…

Varadkar, Trudeau and Macron Host Charity Car Wash For Magaluf Trip

Yesterday, Leo Varadkar announced his plan to take part in a charity car wash this Wednesday alongside French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron and the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The aim of the car wash is raise funds for the…

Scientists Find Health Benefits from Merely Wearing a Fitbit

In a recently published paper in the American scientific journal, Integrum Mendacium, health expert Dr Rupert Thomson revealed the results of his long-awaited study into the effects of wearing a Fitbit wristband. Conducted in conjunction with leading experts from colleges…

Hollywood Studio Plans to Remake Harrison Ford

This week, the CEO of Thirtieth Century Giraffe announced his studio’s plans to launch a remake of Harrison Ford within the next decade. “Remakes of classic movies have been immensely successful over the last couple of years”, Mr Brandt said…

Is It Time to Legalise Aloe Vera?

Over recent years there has been varied debates about whether we should legalise Aloe Vera, or just keep it illegal. Maybe just recreational and medicinal, or just medicinal. I believe we must have an open and honest debate about this…

Sun Recovering After Looking Directly at Trump

The Sun has told the Turbine of the injury she received after looking directly into the eyes of the President of the United States during the solar eclipse a few weeks ago. She said “I was wearing those protective glasses…

Agnostic Extremists on The Fence About Terror Campaign

A controversial report from An Garda Síochána, which was released to the public last week, outlined Gardaí fears of potential Agnostic extremism boiling over into terror attacks in Ireland. In recent years the Irish Agnostic community have become more and…

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Saoirse Ronan Power Sharing Deal Reached

A comprehensive political deal has been reached in Belfast that has saved Anglo-Irish relations from sliding yet further into turmoil as a result of a disagreement over the national status of actress Saoirse Úna Ronan. The agreement sees the government…

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Turbine: Classifieds

WANTED: Revised and up to date books. If you can help email library@ucd.ie FOR SALE: UCDSU Commercial Services Ltd. All offers considered MISSING: “Free Fees” last seen in the late 1990s. Contact Jan O’Sullivan WANTED: A good man for a…

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Turbine: News in Brief

College started back last week, a lot of students are having trouble finding accomodation. This week is Fresher’s week. There’s a whole load of really heavy stuff going on out there in the real world.

Parent’s Struggle To Explain To Their Children That Santa Has A Budget

As Christmas draws near, store hundreds of children are writing to the big man up North in the hope of receiving their entire Christmas Wish List. In the background of this, no rx their parents have begun the yearly ritual…

The Turbine does: Exams

Well, buy viagra it had to happen someday. Winter is coming, the air has a chill to it, and exam season is almost upon us. Thankfully, the Turbine is on hand to teach you all exactly how to pass your…