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The Siren’s Definitive Guide to… Irish Historical figures

Who needs the UCD history behemoth that is Diarmuid Ferriter when you have us at The Tribune to summaries our nation’s meteoric rise in the 20th Century and extraordinary fall from grace.

Bruno Mars- Just the Way You Are – Michael Collins

If I had a eurow for every time I heard someone call Michael Collins ‘Babe’, ampoule I might have €3. Such is the heroic Knight in Shining Armour funk Michael Collins gives off. He has long been painted as the definitive Irish patriot, discount and there is there is only one other man that can do justice to the adoration many Irish people feel towards Michael Collins, patient and that man is Bruno Mars.

Django Django- Wor:   Eamonn de Valera

Dev hung around for a good half a century, at more than one occasion he was involved nationwide fisty-cuff. As a hard noised and divisive character in Irish history, a bouncy number suits him nicely as he (probably) enjoyed a jive himself on those heavily moderated dance halls of the 1930s.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps: Eoin MacNeill, Richard Feetham & JR Fisher 

The 1924 Boundary Commission didn’t do these lads too any favours, especially UCD’s very own Eoin MacNeill. All they had to do was draw a line, and they cocked it up. If it wasn’t for these lads I could be living in Tyrone right now, God Tyrone is lovely.

Fleetwood Mac- Little Lies:      Charles Haughey 

Oh Charlie… We all know of what he got up too. His less than ethical escapades are infamous as he is seen to have taken the entire nation up the rear end.  The Mac know how it is.

The Smiths- This Charming Man: Bertie Ahern

Speaking of being taken up the rear end, Bertie charmed his way into our hearts and into the Dáil, knowing both which horse to back and when to get out. Yet there is an underlying fondness associated dear old Bertie, after all he is a lovely and charming fellow. Proving all elections are a popularity contest, just ask Mr Obama.

Men at Work- Land Down Under: Enda Kenny & the Lads

Not many people have been exempt from recent austerity budgets. From broken promises on the protection of vulnerable in society to economically regressive policies, the boys and girls we voted in have hit us hard and created nationwide disenchantment as to the viability of austerity and our own future prospects finding work at home. If repeated social cut backs and greater taxation have left you too feeling disenchanted by the government, just remember, there’s always Oz…

Notable Omissions…

Marvin Gaye- Let’s get it on: Sean Quinn; Aloe Blacc- I Need A Dollar: The Irish people as a whole; The Steets- Dry Your Eyes: Brian Cowan; The Sex Pistols- God Save the Queen; Martin McGuiness; Papa Roach- Getting Away With Murder: Gerry Adams

-Chris Becton

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