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The Turbine Does: Music

cialis serif;”>In this new feature, shop the Turbine will attempt to do one of the sections of the paper better than said section. Since we consistently outperform the News section in both factual presentation and bedroom prowess, look we have decided this week to branch out to Music.

In the spirit of the section, we will be reviewing a song. We were going to review an entire album but that would be far too tedious and we best not embarrass the actual music section too much. So, without further ado, we will be analysing the song “Marry You” by Bruno Mars.

 

It’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.”

Good to see you have put so much thought into this whole commitment thing Mr. Mars. You think you want to marry her? That’s nowhere near good enough. How much land do you have? What are your job prospects? She’ll want more than your potential commitment believe me.

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,
No one will know,
Come on girl.
Who cares if we’re trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow,
Shots of patron,
And it’s on girl.”

Top tip here lads. If you want to get hitched, make sure she’s smashed first. Then you’ll be in there like swimwear.

Don’t say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we’ll go, go, go, go-go.
If you’re ready, like I’m ready”

Again with the lack of commitment! If you married this Bruno fella he wouldn’t be able to pick what he wants for dinner, let alone where he wants to live.

I’ll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So whatcha wanna do?
Let’s just run girl.
If we wake up and you wanna break up that’s cool.
No, I won’t blame you;
It was fun girl.”

So when the hangover has passed, and Mr. Mars has had his fun with you, he’ll be okay with you walking out on him. That’s reassuring to hear, because otherwise he’d be a more tuneful version of Jigsaw.

 

Oh. The song’s over. Thus ends the epic saga of either a potential court case or a very indecisive hen party. Either way, it is a catchy song and has an irritating habit of getting stuck in your head. So I’ll give it 3/5. Pretty generous.

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