Our chief investigator here at the Turbine Investigation Team (Or Top TIT as he’s most commonly known) recently got the chance to lift the veil on what a day in the life consists of, for one of a certain minister’s (rhymes with Reamon Eyan) advisory team.
The advisor in question, who wishes to remain anonymous out of the fear that he may be forced to enter into a productive field of work if fired, explained to us firstly how the chain of command within a minister’s advisory team functions.
“Well say for example Eamon. I mean the minister in question, plans on making a cup of tea, first, we wake him up, and then we get to work planning on how the tea will be constructed.”
Seems pretty straightforward, until you are informed that this is the first step in a multi-level process in order to complete the task.
“We then move to the action phase of the advisory process,” he explained. “We firstly look to the top of the chain of command to advise on the choice of mug, then his subordinate advisor will confirm that choice. We then move on to the delicate decision which is the choice of teabag, here a team will engage in a voting process to decide on a bag, and when 3 or more advisors decide on a particular variation of teabag, we then send that to an external advisory board to green light that choice.”
Similar processes are then followed for crucial elements of the decision-making process, such as the selection of a type of milk for the tea. The advisor explained that ever since the emergence of alternative milks such as oat and almond, many ministers have been required to hire as much as ten additional advisors to deal with the drastic increase in possible tea combinations.
The advisor was questioned on how these processes affect important decisions, such as policy-making in cabinet, and he explained that the time-consuming nature of advising on matters such as cups of tea leaves little time for larger-scale advisory issues.
“We did try and advise on a cycle lane once, we just gave up when we saw that it was hometime. I think Eamon.. I mean the minister in question eventually decided to just spend 3 billion on it because it’s his favourite number.”
Advisory positions are constantly being made available, and if you’re interested in applying, you can simply go to: www.mydadisowedafavourbysomeoneinfinegael.gov.ie
Jack Nolnod – Turbine Editor
