The Turbine can exclusively reveal that the bankrupt UCD Students’ Union has applied for several credit cards. The Turbine obtained the information by hacking into the voicemails of UCDSU President Patrick Browne and 2012 SU Presidential candidate, nurse current Campaigns and Communications Officer Brendan “I knock over tables in Krystle” Lacey.
The SU revealed to their official newspaper, pharmacy the University Observer, viagra last week that they were in a “spot of financial bother.” It has now emerged that Browne has applied for seventeen credit cards from various Irish financial institutions on behalf of the Students’ Union. A source that has “penetrated deep inside” the Union told The Turbine, “Patrick has applied for seventeen cards. Two will be used to keep the Welfare fund running, one for Sam Geoghan’s hat collection, three for removing the smell from Jonny Cosgrove’s former office and one for Brendan Lacey’s subscription to the ‘Best of YouTube newsletter.'” What the other credit cards will be used to fund is unknown however it is understood that the SU will adopt a new slogan from next month – “There are some things the capital grant can’t buy, for everything else there’s Mastercard.” It is also believed that this year’s UCD Ball will be “brought to you by American Express.”
In a separate development it is understood Browne is to begin organizing a student club night in the Village/Whelan’s/trendy-location on Saturdays to generate extra revenue for the SU. The night is supposedly designed to attract UCD’s “hipster” population and is to be called “I liked them before they went too mainstream.” It is understood only “really underground,” obscure and irrelevant music will be played and only card-carrying members of “Hipster International” will be granted admission. Vouchers for CrackBird will be given to those who wear loafers without socks on the night.
Its not the first time a sabbatical officer has organized a club night, Gary Redmond, USI President and former UCDSU “everything” currently runs a club night called “I Love College” aimed at those in their late twenties who still go to the Freshers’ Ball and show up on campus for Black Monday – it apparently has a roaring trade.
When contacted by The Turbine to see if he believed he was in anyway responsible for the UCDSU’s current financial woes, Redmond (who is on the run for going through a red light in LA, and stealing a small child on his J1) said “It is my strong and passionate belief that I may or may not be directly or indirectly or in no way directly responsible or associated with the alleged current UCDSU financial problems, there or thereabout. I believe an infrastructure and a framework must no be put in place after an independent review by and advisory independent board who are independent and can build frameworks, and implement infrastructures.” *
*Redmond is understood to be taking a night course in Political Communication in Dublin Business School and regularly uses the non-word “shambolic.”
