Another year, another Dubs vs. Culchies debate! The 111th session of Lawsoc began last Friday with six speakers defending their home counties in front of the FitzGerald Chamber. The event was also live-streamed on Facebook for those who were unable to reserve a seat at one of UCD’s most infamous Freshers’ events!
Emer Nolan opened for the Dubs with a confession, although she currently lives in Dublin she is actually from Greystones, or “the honourable G4”. However, now that she resides in the metropolis of Dundrum, a full 30 minutes from her family home, and is within walking distance of both a Starbucks AND a Zara, Nolan believes that she deserves to speak for the Dubs. In highlighting the traits that identify her as a Dub, Nolan made her case that people from the capital are superior. Firstly, she shared that she is unable to drive and blames this on public transport. With buses, luases, trains, and Darts, why would any Dub need to drive? Additionally, Nolan insists that having a parent collect you the morning after a sesh is a humbling experience that everyone should go through. “I’ll Revolut you” is also a phrase that Nolan has scarcely heard outside the Pale. She argues that the high cost of living in the capital forces Dubs to be wise with money, that the benefits of the financial technology company “speaks for itself” and that Culchies should catch up. She used her extra time to advertise her invitation link that would allow her to earn money from the banking service saying that the money would be needed to fund her “Starbies addiction”. A Dub indeed.
Medb McBrearty was the first to speak for the Culchies and shared her disgust that over the summer a childhood friend told her that she had developed a ‘Dublin accent’, “I don’t know if yous have heard a Donegal accent before but apparently this isn’t it”. Losing her Donegal accent feels like losing a bit of herself McBrearty describes, as being from Donegal is her “one defining personality trait”. Speaking for the Culchies, Medb believes that she is rectifying the situation as being compared to a Dub is “kinda atrocious”. Although she still considers the Dublin Bus schedule pure “magic”. A feeling I doubt Dubs share. Medb explains that being from the back arse of nowhere is absolutely fantastic as an excuse, as she can blame everything on being a Culchie. Though, she argues that “all the culchies rock up with more stamina than all of the Dubs combined” because “the scaldiness of a culchie night out is unmatched”. On a night out in Donegal, you are in the middle of nowhere and you’re stuck there “right until the national anthem”. So on top of the normal culture shock, Medb continues, Culchies arrive at Harcourt Street at half ten, wait in line, and then everyone is wrecked by 1 am. This doesn’t happen in Donegal, she insists.
Fran Aketch was the next speaker for the Dubs and admitted that although she is from the northside she has dated enough lads from the southside to give her a fair perspective of the county as a whole. She opened by asking the opposing team “if Dublin isn’t so loose, why are you here?”. Aketch disagrees with Medb as she believes that Dubs know how to have fun from ‘Neckin’ Mondays in Dicey’s to Late Time Fridays in Krystle, Dublin is the best place to be for a night out, although she warns those new to the county that Dubs have a dress code and that “a county jersey and skinny O’Neill’s tracksuit bottoms just isn’t appropriate”. Fran continued that the Dublin dating scene is superior to any other county and that any “girlie whirlies” who get a pic on Sophie’s swing are guaranteed a swipe, similarly if lads can prove that they were on the Leinster Development Squad they’re golden. Unfortunately, the appeal isn’t the same for boys who play county, but Aketch says it’s worth mentioning anyway.
Katie Carragher was next to defend the Culchies. She said that Culchies are often overlooked as even the Oxford Dictionary describes them as “a rough or unsophisticated country person”, a definition that received many cries of amusement and agreement from the opposition. However, Carragher argued that Culchies are more adaptable and attractive than those from Dublin. Culchies are more adaptable as they don’t have the luxury of frequent public transport and as a result, are also more organised. Katie is still shocked that when she misses the 39A, another one is only 15 minutes away to take her into town. Additionally, many Culchies have to travel to the big shmoke for college and have to deal with all the Dubs and their notions. Katie hopes that she doesn’t adapt as well as Medb and asks everyone in the audience to knock her on the back of the head if she ever uses the word “fair” as a response instead of “yeah grand”. To prove the attractiveness of the Culchies, Katie named some of Ireland’s most famous exports in recent years including Paul Mescal and Cillian Murphy, neither of whom are from Dublin. Dublin, Katie continued, has given the world Jedward. And you can’t argue with celebrities, can you?
Hannah Ryan Murphy was the final speaker for the Dubs and was delighted to finally represent the county as she didn’t believe her teammates had done the capital justice and is convinced that they’re part of the reason Dubs get such a bad rep. Murphy believes that all the southsiders should be “sent back to the motherland” because the northsiders are best. Hannah continued by saying that the Culchies did not argue the benefits of living in rural Ireland but instead shared their fascination with Dublin Bus. She added that Katie could have taken numerous other buses into town and clearly hasn’t adapted well if she waited for the next 39A. She also argued that Carragher’s example of Jedward was completely cherry-picked and that the county with the highest population has absolutely exported more talent than the rest of the country, Bono, Bob Geldof, and Imelda May to name but a few. Ultimately, Murphy maintains that Dublin is best because Dubs are so selfless. Dubs sacrificed their seven in a row for Tyrone and Dubs let all the Culchies into their “unreal” city. Dubs are so kind because they share the city and let Culchies “crowd up the public transport, attend the universities, use the facilities, change their accents to become more like Dubs” and it’s about time that the capital was rewarded for its generosity.
Joe Boyle was the last speaker of the evening, as a Masters’ student, he didn’t relate to all the talk of nights out on Harcourt Street and instead offered to speak about a more “age-appropriate” social event. Funerals. “I will contend that Funerals are as good as Longitude and Electric Picnic combined”. Boyle explains that a Culchie Funeral is a gathering like no other as everyone in the parish arrives to pay their respect to the deceased even if they had never heard of the person before their name was printed in the obituary section of the local paper. Town gossip is spread over a classic cup of tea….A normal cup of tea, Boyle states, with normal milk. “None of that oat milk nonsense…honestly the cows are gonna get up and riot, the cows need to form some sort of a union.” When the Dubs highlighted that Boyle himself is actually lactose intolerant, he refused to comment.
Unfortunately for Boyle, the Dubs were crowned the winners of this year’s debate. Long live oat milk coffees, nights out on Harcourt Street, and Revolut! Sorry Culchies, better luck next year.
Emma Hanrahan – Deputy News Editor
