In a groundbreaking attempt to combine visual chaos with statistical irrelevance, the University Observer has released a “poll” of this year’s UCDSU election results—proving once and for all that Canva is not a substitute for graphic design experience and that 248 responses are definitely not a representative sample.
The centrepiece of the Observer’s coverage is a pie chart, featuring a colour scheme that seems to have been inspired by Microsoft Paint and existential dread. Viewers were treated to Michael Roche’s commanding 62.9% win in first-preference votes — if you could read it beneath the giant, glowing label “First Preference Votes,” which hovers menacingly over the chart like a poorly designed watermark.
“It’s like a pie chart made during an earthquake,” commented one student, who admitted they couldn’t tell if the purple section represented Tia Cullen or a Windows error message. Another asked, “Why does it look like ClipArt tried to run for President?”
However, the graphic design was only half the problem…
Based on just 248 votes out of UCD’s approximately 38,000 students, the poll is being touted as groundbreaking insight — assuming your idea of insight is “listening to one person from each floor of Belgrove.” Statisticians have roundly mocked the effort, with one saying, “Standard deviation? Mate, this whole poll is a deviation.”
Not content with analysing a race that was actually contested, the Observer also held polls for the uncontested sabbatical positions. Voters were given the highly nuanced choice between voting for the single candidate… or Re-Open Nominations, because, reasons.
“This poll is so insightful,” said one Observer writer. “It shows that when given the choice between a candidate and nothing, students sometimes prefer nothing. Deep stuff.”
Despite the low turnout, the Observer dressed up the numbers with all the pomp and circumstance of a national referendum. No margins of error, no context — just vibes and a pie chart that could give you motion sickness.
When we reached out for comment, Canva declined to take responsibility. The SU is reportedly outraged and is considering ending the UO’s premium subscription to the platform.
Our esteemed colleagues at the Observer are rumoured to be working on bar graphs to gauge attendance at the next SU Council. Sources suggest they may be designed entirely in Comic Sans and based on the opinions of three lads in the library and a dog.
Sans Serif, TIT (Turbine Investigations Team) – Statistics Division
