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UCD’s buildings office has triumphed once more in its efforts to milk the student population for every last cent in their pockets. Following the overwhelmingly positive reaction to their recent announcement involving Pay and Display parking on Campus, the Office revealed that these new restrictions will extend to the bike-racks as well.

In an exclusive interview, the Building’s Office had this to say; “In light of the revelation that more of the Student body chooses to cycles to college over driving, we felt introducing a charge on bicycle parking only fair to those who choose to drive. Why should anyone be treated differently here in UCD?”

The charge will be a meagre 50c an hour, with at least 37% of that going directly back to the university itself. Failure to display a valid Parking ticket will result in your bike being clamped or removed from the premises entirely.

The students themselves seemed to be in favour of the new changes. One stated; “If they’re going to charge us for cycling to college, why not go all out and just put a toll booth in at every entrance and make us pay a fiver for entry at all? That seems perfectly reasonable”. We at the Turbine are obliged to say that this student was immediately hired as a consultant to the UCD Building Office.

These announcements are a welcome reminder that even though the year might have changed to 2014, UCD is still as efficient as ever.

Andrew Dorman
Turbine Editor