Checkmate Liberals! A new study conducted by Fox News and Margaret Thatcher’s ghost has found that when a socialist economic system is established in any country in the world, the only ones who benefit are the bottom 99%.

This ground-breaking study found that, if a socialist system was in place in a country, not only would the richest 1% lose an awful lot of their money, they would also lose control of most of the country’s means of production and natural resources too. Bet you didn’t know that did you, lefties? Even worse, with a socialist system, the poorest people in our society would be cared for and their medical bills would be extremely cheap and affordable. The rich would no longer be able to charge exorbitant prices for vital medicines… Can you think of anything worse than the rich being denied the fruits of someone else’s labour?

The findings also show that in a socialist society everyone is guaranteed somewhere safe, comfortable and affordable to live. Landlordism would be abolished and rents would be managed to ensure people are not exploited or cast out into the street like animals. In many cases, like in Cuba for instance, property tax would also be abolished. I may not know much, or anything at all for that matter, but I do know that if you start to treat people fairly under an economic system that is not built from the greed of a minority and maintained through corruption, deceit and ignorance, then people will start to become lazy, watch Seth Rogen’s movies and then ultimately begin worshipping the Devil (In that specific order). Is this the future you want liberals? I thought not…

Luckily, the left has recently seen the error of it’s socialist ways. It no longer, or in some cases rarely, vies for the working class and instead tends to busy itself with protesting for environmentally friendly wedding cakes and the right for cows to be called Brian. Neither of which threaten the power of the capitalist oligopoly that has taken a stranglehold of modern society. Thank God!

Seán Farbuckt – Turbine Writer