As the latest iteration of the Dáil convened, many of those who placed their faith in independent candidates were eagerly awaiting the conclusion of coalition talks. With the heavy hitters of Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael left unable to take the reins all by themselves, they were left with no choice but to turn to the often, shall we say, colourful collective of newly elected independents on offer.
Micky ‘The Don’ McDonald was top of this list.
The Kerryman is a seasoned chamber veteran and recently broke the Dáil record for the longest incoherent rant, clocking in at 32 minutes and 12 seconds. For his efforts, Simon Harris and co. decided to create a new position for ‘The Don’ personally, aptly titled ‘The Minister for Potholes.’
McDonald was quoted as saying something not even the most agricultural of Ag students could translate for us, so we will go ahead and presume that he was happy with this appointment.
The new role will consist of regular meetings with local councillors from whom ‘The Don’ has personally received favours in the past to discuss infrastructure projects in their respective constituencies.
One unnamed councillor based in Killarney was able to secure vital funding for a water agitation and filtration reservoir development in his immediate locality (a jacuzzi in the back garden of his second home) thanks to ‘The Don’s’ new department. He is said to be thankful for the “vital jobs” that the Department of Potholes is doing for “the boys.”
Micky’s esteemed brother, Tricky, has also secured himself a seat at the coalition table. He has been named the ‘Minister for General Nonsense’ and is responsible for occasionally instigating ludicrous conversations in the Dáil chamber. He is said to have been earmarked for the role after his famous rant about legalising drink driving as long as the person involved was driving a tractor, with the establishment being impressed by his “sheer unwavering belief in his own nonsense.”
It has also been rumoured that the brothers will be responsible for drafting Budget 2026. Their natural ability to make money disappear, reappear, and seemingly grow on the trees of dodgy construction yards in rural Ireland makes them perfect for leading the country’s financial future.
A jubilant Simon Harris stated, “They’re even getting in a few boyos to finish the children’s hospital. I’m not sure what a ‘boyo’ is, but I’m sure they’re experts in huge construction projects like this one and are the right people to lead this to completion before the next Ice Age.”
Polly Tik
