UCD has many different student-run publications and the past year has seen even more of them pop into existence as students have simultaneously sat at home doing nothing while collecting the PUP while also going out and spreading that bloody virus. So, to aid you all in your search for a publication that massively demonises young people for literally no reason, The Turbine has ranked our top 5 Belfield-based publications!
Our list starts with…
1. Belfield Geographic
UCD’s first-ever publication to focus on the giant fucking swans in the lakes, Belfield Geographic has been following the movement of the terrifying swan population of our wonderful college. The terrifying avian creatures tower tall above the James Joyce library eclipsed only by the water tower which they use as a drinking glass according to the investigation. There’s a lot to be learnt from their big investigative piece which examines whether UCD is feeding their swans with billions worth of paper money. With these gigantic and terrifying creatures coming close to the height of ignorance (the top level of the Tierney Building) the question is; Are the swans taking over?
2. The Bollege Bribune
Belfield’s premier newspaper, the Bollege Bribune’s front page includes their 900th apology for the year, it has emerged that after running this issue they were forced to issue an apology for their apology. In this issue the eDiToWiAl bOaWd come out with a MASSIVE hot take that was DEFINITELY worth writing, Puke Dalkey writes another article about Dublin’s nightlife that was completely different from the last one and the news team evolves to their final form!
3. The College Watcher
Despite rarely lining up with itself, The College Watcher has become a formidable snoozepaper on campus under the Editorship of some random architecture student and the target of approximately 45% of a certain Trinity Rag’s tweets. Printed two weeks after the news it claims to report on and only containing one page worth reading. The Campus Watcher has contributed 42% of UCD’s waste this year, much of the rest was made up of UCDSU condoms. After disqualifying half the College Watcher’s competition, the Student Media Awards nominated this colourless fish and chips container for Newspaper Design of the year. Thankfully the design of OThree and the CW illustrator made up for the UCDSU cutbacks which meant that the main publication couldn’t afford a ruler.
4. Forbes Belfield
As if you couldn’t be more suspicious of Dandy Beeks, here he is on the front of Forbes Magazine bragging about how he’s milking his students for dolla, dolla bills! Following this issue of Forbes Belfield being published, Mountain Warehouse has reached out to the Students’ Union to offer a set of tents FOR NOTHING, should the RADICAL Union be arsed to stay outside on the front lawn for more than 20 seconds. Pick up your copy of Forbes Belfield online or in-person from the Tierney Building to find out how Andrew Deeks is farming cash from third-level fools like you!
5. TurbINE Magazine
Once described as a “leading purveyor of misinformation” by the Irish Times, Dolores Cahill has bounced back by winning the TurbINE Magazine Person of the Year Award! She had received the award for the great work she has put into spreading information (of undefined quality) around Ireland. To be honest her interview with my hero The Viper Shnake is the real reason she won!
This is all satire, please do not sue us.
Dugh Hooley – Officially the funniest student journalist in Ireland lmao
Designs by Hugh Dooley – Graphic Designer
